DAY 100 - Surviving My Destiny

 

'I am constantly faced with an enigma that follows me all over the place. It is this feeling that there is something better for me waiting just over the hill! That somehow I will run into my destiny and we will hug and feel connected once again. I can only imagine what that will be like as I search my past for the clues and signposts that should have gotten me there already. 

Was it the time I broke my head in that accident, and months in bed should have ushered in a re-direct?

Was it the almost expulsion from college for slipping out after curfew?

Was it the time I had chicken pox as an adult . . . and I was deathly sick in bed?

I imagine that those life stopping episodes would have been segways into a reality where destiny would declare itself . . . but no.

It missed me for some reason and skipped past my doorway, onto another timeline, where a version of me grabbed it and hijacked it. Destiny was now missing!

And I decided that it was up to me to hijack it back. I had an added advantage of course . . . I am African and we can hijack things with finesse. We can take your contact lens out of your own eye and you would think that the blurred vision was from rubbing your eye with tomato sauce earlier. 

I know . .  stereo-typing . . . but I can - I am African born and raised. In fact I am not only African, I am also two languages deep into being African . . . I have scope!

But back to the hijacking of my own destiny.

If it is being held by another version of myself, then it is time to swop places once and for all. Destiny to me, is the ultimate scoop - the masterpiece - of what a life can be with a little guidance and charm. 

I wanted my life to matter, to mean something, to be a keynote in the grand symphony of this current life. A string, that if it were never plucked, would diminish the power of the orchestra and leave the audience ever so slightly questioning if they paid too much.

That kind of plucking!

But now I have to pluck up the courage to step into the shoes of my destiny, right where the other version of me is oblivious, and walk away onto the runway of my new life!

With stealth, I begin to disentangle myself from the carcass of this current life, and I slowly leave the shell behind. It is not easy to let go for there are so many anchors of needy and petty thoughts moaning at my dismissal, and it is not until I am willing to sacrifice her that a separation happens.

This is the fun part!

She is lying over there, lifeless and oblivious and I am right where I wish to be – next to my destiny. The other me wears my destiny like a tight and perfect skin and it is no surprise that I feel that it is a better fit for her . . . than shell-like me in the corner. It makes me pause because in this very moment, I realize that perhaps my destiny was stolen from me because we were not a good fit?

Doubt creeps closer as I observe her mannerisms, her confidence and her audacity to grab our destiny and own it. She truly wears it like it was made for her and I observe the way she plays her tune. The audience applauses loudly, all are grateful to have found the last available tickets, to the masterpiece.

Other me is not only plucking the strings but she is dancing, singing and is totally living in the moment, oblivious of me watching close by. I get this notion that the only reason destiny was hijacked was because the door I insisted was open . . . was holding back a song-less space of shadows.

My destiny could not enter!

It was so shiny and brilliant, so powerful and mesmerizing, that my shadows were keeping it at bay, and it had to find the right fit . . . the right version of me, which could wear it, and wear it with verve and elegance.

I had a choice to make.

She was right there in front of me and I was hanging out on a limb, and she had what I had always felt was following me – my destiny.

Did I need to hijack it back?

I felt unsure as if I were trespassing on someone else’s joy by seeking to poach their happiness for myself. It was not in me. I turned away to throw myself into the lifeless existence that lay on the bed once more and I felt a touch on my shoulder. My destiny had followed me and the other me was dancing away into the invisible realms of fulfillment. I understood right there and then.

Destiny needed a place to be fulfilled, and as soon as it was, it would seek another version of itself to fulfill, but I had learnt a valuable lesson from what I witnessed. I had to make adjustments to myself, ones that allowed my destiny to fulfill itself and I had to get out of my own way.

It was not accidents, traumas or obstacles that beckoned destiny . . . it was my own willingness to be moved by it, and be open to the changes that it would bring whilst it was being fulfilled. It would follow its greatest potential until that potential faded away from its own sabotages, shadows and ignorance, and then it would seek another version for itself.

I learned that it was never gone or lost . . . just fulfilling another time slot until the door opened and the coast was clear.' 

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-[image: Photo by Simon Berger on Unsplash]