Now What? 

The world has changed . . .

. . . it is not going back to what it once was. Too much water has flowed under the bridge, and too much has been said. Too much has been believed and too much learnt . . . and there are too many logs still to be removed from peoples’ eyes.

Is a new ‘normal’ even possible whilst turmoil washes through the channels of thought, and voices sling mud at a bewildered nation? Impacted is the first word that comes to mind, and with impact comefeelings of regret, grief, and loss. These emotions leave us tongue-tied, flinching continually at words and actions that feed our sense of an impending destiny over which we have no control.

What happened?

Where did my world go and what happened to its people?

How did everything change so suddenly and become a tsunami of information, exposures, and choices that I never imagined I would have to face? What am I to do with the barrage of information that assaults my senses and causes my world to turn upside down?Where is my neighbor now?

Where am I to look for answers and plausible explanations that don’t include a deep dive into darkness? I know darkness . . . it is all around me . . . but if I fall for it, I will lose what I am. That is why I ask the questions. People around me walk forward with empty steps following the shadows of the past, as if they are enough. I see it, I feel it, and I sink deeper into myself.

Is my blood family really my family, or are they just echoes of a heritage that no longer fits? Do I truly belong to my tribe of friends, those who are sharing my world, or are we just sharing shoes in a limited time and space, along some mysterious path? Am I my beliefs, which seem to have failed me dismally, behind closed secretive doors?

Bewildered is the second word that comes to mind. It’s a tell tale disassociation that feels like shell shock . . . like an untreatable stress syndrome. The vacant places in me once filled with colors and hopeare now empty because information has robbed me of my delusions. Why did light have to come in through the cracks? When they were my delusions, I could ignore theobvious and pretend to be at home in this dark environment.

This darkened environment blinds us with its fury; those who walk past mecannot see the obvious delusionsmoving towards us, surrounding us, choking us. With heads down and ears closed against the onslaught, they only see the mirage on the horizon. They run towards it, pushing aside those whoblock their line of sight, spurred by the smell of the illusionary waters awaiting them at some fake oasis.

What now? Do we choose a plastic city on a hill churning out its wares, or a wilderness of organic villages that move as one to an ancient rhythm? Only time will tell if we can find anew normal that has no dependency upon the moving parts of a world in disarray.

Patience is the third word that comes to mind, as droves of good-hearted souls make their pilgrimage towards an even brighter light. Beckoned by a calling towardsthe promise of something unspoken, they journey forward undaunted by the absence of light and encouraged by theintermittent streams of a brighter distant light that beckons them toward untethered freedom.

Did my world change to show me the cracks in my dreams and beliefs?Why cause me to have loss and remorse? What did I miss? What was waiting for me if I was not willing to release what I had become? What waited for me just behind the veil of contempt?

Or did my world change to change . . . me?

What now?

Now I am awake. My eyes are open and the logs have been dislodged. Now I shrug at the shadows, hug the gentle light that streams through ever-widening cracks, and allow myself to discover and explore my new domain of promise and fulfilled dreams.

[Photo by James Wheeler: https://www.pexels.com/photo/photo-of-pathway-surrounded-by-fir-trees-1578750/]